There comes a time in every woman's life (and I am sure some men too) that you realise that you are not as young as you used to be. Or is that just me? Well, I hope there are a lot of people in my shoes or else I am just one sad person. You realise that once all that mattered to you was having fun, having the latest shoes or bags or cars and the sight of babies was not something that you found particularly sweet but you felt sorry for the hustled mother with no time for herself.
But once you are past a certain age with the man who you thought would come and take your breath away and you both live happily ever after with is nowhere in sight, you have to think about these things. Like it or not, there is some sadness behind every congratulations that you give when yet another one of your friends gets married or has a baby. There is the question at the back of your mind wondering whether it will ever happen for you. Its just the way it is.
And the worst thing is that after sometime, you realise that the attention that you used to get from the opposite sex is slowly reducing. It may still be there except that you get hit on more by married men than single men. Why? Because a lot of the men in your pond are married, leaving only a few good ones, a lot of weirdos and those who think that just because you have reached a certain age, you must be desperate and will settle for just anyone or anything.
Yeah, they say money isnt everything, that looks are fickle and that the love of a good hard working man is all that a woman needs. Butterflies in the stomach and being insanely in love with someone are for teenagers right? Problem is I want all that. I am going to spend the rest of my life with this person, it better be with someone I am crazy about not someone I will get tired of after a week! Is that asking for too much?
This growing up business is hard!!!! I look back now and wonder why I was in such a hurry to get here.
Last time I wrote about the four guys who had showed interest in me, the ready for marriage guy who was too short, the good friend who has no steady employment, the employed guy who is not that much to look and Mr. Perfect who is still married to another woman!
I know I am still young but there are things that I want to do and kids are a definite must have in my life. Should I then just choose one of the guys above and be done with it? Should I settle down now while I still have choices and not wait for a better man who may or may not come along? Is being married so important that I can just be with anyone and hope that the love will grow? Suppose I choose one of the guys now and then someone better comes along once I am married? suppose i say, hey am only 28, there is still time, someone will surely come along and then they dont? Should I ignore the fact that someone is a whole foot shorter than me just because he has a good job and is seemingly a good guy ready to commit? Should I hope that my good friend with the crazy dreams will one day find work or his dreams come true? Should I be with someone I am not even slightly attracted to? Should I be with the perfect man and hope against hope that he really will divorce his wife and be with me? What kind of choices are these?
But sooner or later, a girl has to decide. If I didnt care I wouldnt bother but I do care. I have everything else in my life, and now I want this as well. I guess the message I am getting from today's musings is that I cant keep being undecided forever. I doubt that there will come come a man who meets all the qualities that I want (I hope he does but am trying to be realistic here). I need to make up my mind and soon and whatever decision I make, I will have to stick with it and make the best of it.
one of the wonders of the world
the victoria falls, simply beautiful
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
why is it so hard to find a husband these days?
Certain things should be straight forward and come naturally. Like the way it was with my parents and their parents. You reach a certain age, a certain special somebody comes along and you get married and may or may not live happily ever after. But you do get married.
Certain decisons should also be that easy. It should be as easy as choosing between heaven and hell, good and bad, pain or joy, bitter or sweet. but heck no, not for me anyway. It seems I have what other people struggle to get and what they take for granted is what i have to struggle for.
My life should be turned into a soap opera, for real. I have had sadness, drama, scandal and all that but overall, I like to think that I am a well rounded individual. I am the kind of person who puts up a smile even when my heart is breaking inside me. The kind of person who people will look at and wish that they had my life. I am Carrie from sex and the city but I believe I have a more level head on my shoulders. People ask me why I am not married. Well I would like to know that too! They look at me and think there must be something wrong with me for me to be still single. Honestly, I wish they would just mind their own business.
Sometimes i do wonder if i dont have a problem. Everyone around me is getting married. By the time mum was my age, she was divorced and had two kids. Yet here i am, 28years old, good job but no family or husband. All i have is a broken engangement and a series of broken hearts after that. Last time I wrote about how i couldnt understand why my boyfriend was acting the way he was. Well, after promising me heaven and earth, it turned out that he was promising the same thing to at least six other girls. He simply disappeared just before i found out. Probably knowing that i was about to find out. After two years together, the man did not even have the decency to break up with me, he simply slinkered away like the coward that he was. I would like to say that he will get what is coming to him but i have since realised that we are in a world where there is no such thing as justice. Bad guys win most of the time and bad things happen to good people, a lot. Its just the way life is and i have come to accept that.
A couple of months have passed and though my ego was bruised a little, i am over him and ready to move on. but, i dont want just any other relationship. I want someone who is in the same place that i am. Someone who wants to settle down and start a family. I am done with dating boys, i want a man, a serious man. And there happens to be four men vying for my attention right now.
Guy number one.
Good on paper. Very good on paper. He worships the very ground that i walk on. He has a good job, nice car, big house and he is looking for a wife. Says the only thing that is missing from his life is a wife. I should be happy seeing that i want a husband. And so what if i didnt fall in love with him the moment that i saw him? He is a good guy and sometimes thats all a woman needs, a good man who loves you and provides for you. But the guy is awfully short. He is probably five feet tall while i am 5ft6" with a penchant for high heels. I know it shouldnt matter but it matters a lot to me!
Guy number two.
Mercifully not short. He is friend i have had for three or four years now. When we met i was engaged and he was living with his girlfriend but the girl left him after five years and a child together and he still wouldnt commit. He was there for me when my engangement didnt work out. But here is the catch, apart from the aversion to marriage that the guy clearly has, he does not have a steady job. He is now even saying he wants to be an intern with a company where he feels his skills will be 'better appreciated.' Now, i am not one of those women who wants money from men but a man has got to have a job!
Guy number three.
Not short and has a job. Not as good a job as guy number one but a job none the less. Problem is that the way he looks is a complete turn off to me. Looks like a drunkard and he says he enjoys his beer. Really am not in the least bit attracted to the guy. And looks shouldnt matter right? Really its not that i want only a handsome man (though i wouldnt mind one if he came along) but surely a man should be able to look after themselves, a fat stomach and sweaty armpits are just a turn off to any woman period.
Guy number four.
Perfection. Tall, accomplished and hot! We met a year ago and hit it off immediately. I was crazy about him until i met his wife! Turns out the man was merely separated from his wife and not divorced as he had told me. After telling him to go and put it where the light does not shine, he is now back. Says he is indeed getting a divorce this time around and he really wants to be with me. Really? Not until the ink is on the paper buddy. I wont make that mistake again.
All i want is a man who loves me and ready to settle down like guy number 1, who has a job like guys number 1, 3 and 4, someone i am attracted to and get along with like guy number 4 and who is not married. Is that too much to ask for! Whats a girl to do to get married these days? Could our problem also be that we have too many options?
Certain decisons should also be that easy. It should be as easy as choosing between heaven and hell, good and bad, pain or joy, bitter or sweet. but heck no, not for me anyway. It seems I have what other people struggle to get and what they take for granted is what i have to struggle for.
My life should be turned into a soap opera, for real. I have had sadness, drama, scandal and all that but overall, I like to think that I am a well rounded individual. I am the kind of person who puts up a smile even when my heart is breaking inside me. The kind of person who people will look at and wish that they had my life. I am Carrie from sex and the city but I believe I have a more level head on my shoulders. People ask me why I am not married. Well I would like to know that too! They look at me and think there must be something wrong with me for me to be still single. Honestly, I wish they would just mind their own business.
Sometimes i do wonder if i dont have a problem. Everyone around me is getting married. By the time mum was my age, she was divorced and had two kids. Yet here i am, 28years old, good job but no family or husband. All i have is a broken engangement and a series of broken hearts after that. Last time I wrote about how i couldnt understand why my boyfriend was acting the way he was. Well, after promising me heaven and earth, it turned out that he was promising the same thing to at least six other girls. He simply disappeared just before i found out. Probably knowing that i was about to find out. After two years together, the man did not even have the decency to break up with me, he simply slinkered away like the coward that he was. I would like to say that he will get what is coming to him but i have since realised that we are in a world where there is no such thing as justice. Bad guys win most of the time and bad things happen to good people, a lot. Its just the way life is and i have come to accept that.
A couple of months have passed and though my ego was bruised a little, i am over him and ready to move on. but, i dont want just any other relationship. I want someone who is in the same place that i am. Someone who wants to settle down and start a family. I am done with dating boys, i want a man, a serious man. And there happens to be four men vying for my attention right now.
Guy number one.
Good on paper. Very good on paper. He worships the very ground that i walk on. He has a good job, nice car, big house and he is looking for a wife. Says the only thing that is missing from his life is a wife. I should be happy seeing that i want a husband. And so what if i didnt fall in love with him the moment that i saw him? He is a good guy and sometimes thats all a woman needs, a good man who loves you and provides for you. But the guy is awfully short. He is probably five feet tall while i am 5ft6" with a penchant for high heels. I know it shouldnt matter but it matters a lot to me!
Guy number two.
Mercifully not short. He is friend i have had for three or four years now. When we met i was engaged and he was living with his girlfriend but the girl left him after five years and a child together and he still wouldnt commit. He was there for me when my engangement didnt work out. But here is the catch, apart from the aversion to marriage that the guy clearly has, he does not have a steady job. He is now even saying he wants to be an intern with a company where he feels his skills will be 'better appreciated.' Now, i am not one of those women who wants money from men but a man has got to have a job!
Guy number three.
Not short and has a job. Not as good a job as guy number one but a job none the less. Problem is that the way he looks is a complete turn off to me. Looks like a drunkard and he says he enjoys his beer. Really am not in the least bit attracted to the guy. And looks shouldnt matter right? Really its not that i want only a handsome man (though i wouldnt mind one if he came along) but surely a man should be able to look after themselves, a fat stomach and sweaty armpits are just a turn off to any woman period.
Guy number four.
Perfection. Tall, accomplished and hot! We met a year ago and hit it off immediately. I was crazy about him until i met his wife! Turns out the man was merely separated from his wife and not divorced as he had told me. After telling him to go and put it where the light does not shine, he is now back. Says he is indeed getting a divorce this time around and he really wants to be with me. Really? Not until the ink is on the paper buddy. I wont make that mistake again.
All i want is a man who loves me and ready to settle down like guy number 1, who has a job like guys number 1, 3 and 4, someone i am attracted to and get along with like guy number 4 and who is not married. Is that too much to ask for! Whats a girl to do to get married these days? Could our problem also be that we have too many options?
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Break ups
ok, I won't lie to you, I loved this guy. I may call him all sorts of names here but I really did (and do) love him. But a girl can only take so much and this is it I am out of here.
I have had some breakups before (who hasn't?) but this is a first for me. Reminds me of Carrie and her post it break up in sex and the city.
He simply stopped coming to see me and I got tired of calling him so I stopped. This after he made it clear that I was not merely a girlfriend but a wife. This after he introduced me to everybody in his life. This after I asked him point blank if his silence meant that he wanted to break up with me and he said no. This after I had stopped calling him and he shows up at my house with his brother and behaves like nothing is wrong. Please, if you dont mean something, dont say it at all.
I dont understand, you don't want to break up with me but at the same time, you dont want to be with me? Are you a child who after getting what he wants doesn't want it anymore? So I have taken a page out of his book, I am quite. I even deleted his phone number from my phone although I know it by heart but at least if I have to enter it from my head, by the time I get to the third digit, I would have come to my sense.
How do you deal with break ups? anybody.....?
I have had some breakups before (who hasn't?) but this is a first for me. Reminds me of Carrie and her post it break up in sex and the city.
He simply stopped coming to see me and I got tired of calling him so I stopped. This after he made it clear that I was not merely a girlfriend but a wife. This after he introduced me to everybody in his life. This after I asked him point blank if his silence meant that he wanted to break up with me and he said no. This after I had stopped calling him and he shows up at my house with his brother and behaves like nothing is wrong. Please, if you dont mean something, dont say it at all.
I dont understand, you don't want to break up with me but at the same time, you dont want to be with me? Are you a child who after getting what he wants doesn't want it anymore? So I have taken a page out of his book, I am quite. I even deleted his phone number from my phone although I know it by heart but at least if I have to enter it from my head, by the time I get to the third digit, I would have come to my sense.
How do you deal with break ups? anybody.....?
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